FIRST DAY FUNK

Where do I start? There's so much to tell and I am so inarticulate. But I'll give it a try for the sake of documentation.

I started work today for a company we shall nickname "the finance". For the first time in my working life I didn't know what to expect. As in literally no expectation save for the part where people introduce themselves and say something superficial just to let your colleagues know a bit about you. I kind of hate that part because the only thing I usually talk about is my name and how come it's unique blah blah sheesh. After some time you just get tired of changing companies and building connections, reputations, and friendships all over again.

I knew I wasn't in a call center company anymore so at the very least I'm thinking I was able to achieve something. However as the day wore on, it became clear to me that this is another one of those instances where I say to myself: "what have I gotten into?" Don't get me wrong. "The finance" is by far one of the best companies I've ever been to for the longest time. Their selection process is really tough and I do realize I'm lucky to be one of the 13 out of the 150 (more or less) people who passed their stringent screening process. Isn't that something I should be happy about? I am, but somewhere inside me was again haunting and poking me into thinking otherwise. Why can't I just be contented?

There was no lax moment during the day. After the orientation, we were immediately immersed into the finance world. What do I know about finance? It was a bit like Spanish to me. Blur there blur everywhere yet you still say "si". After an hour of discussing earnings calls, I felt light headed and my back was aching like a tree just fell on my shoulders. I was overwhelmed by the tasks and expectations. We were supposed to be voice writers, scopists, editors, and publishers all at the same time. They call it quad core. It was reiterated several times that the job was indeed challenging. We transcribe, edit, and finalize all the transcripts with utmost precision as possible. I feel confident about my skill sets coming into this job which makes me nervous because I don't want to disappoint myself. I am a competitive person. The trainer said it's rare to find "quad core" people. I want to be that rare breed. But everytime I try to immerse myself deep into the task silly thoughts corrupt my concentration. Thoughts of "is this really what I want?", "is it really that important to pursue what I want rather than what I already have?", "am I in the right place at this point in my life?" and "am I wasting my time despite the fact that this is one of the best opportunities I've had for quite sometime now?"

They say we should always be thankful for every job opportunity that's given to us. On the other hand some people say that by doing what you love, you'll never have to work a day in your life. At this point I was sitting in my cubicle analyzing financial statements, balance sheets, and earnings calls but at the end of the day I couldn't take my eyes off the pink shift dress and luscious lips ad I saw on my seatmate's magazine. Grrrr...